Just to help you guys understand what my job as a technical support manager 
consists of...


                What if people bought cars like they buy computers?
     
  General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to 
  drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But imagine 
  if they did...
     
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  HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "What's an ignition?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
              turns over the engine."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
              of these technical terms just to use my car?"
     
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  HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Huh? How do I know?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
              markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "I see an 'E' but no 'F'."
     
  HELPLINE:  "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'.
     
  CUSTOMER:  "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'.
     
  HELPLINE:  "A 'V'?!?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V', followed
              by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..."
     
  HELPLINE:  "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you sit behind
              the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "That steering wheel thingy - Is that the round thing that honks
              the horn?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Yes, among other things."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
              some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the 
              vendor to install it for you."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "What? I paid $18,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have
              to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with 
              everything built in!"
     
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  HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Your cars suck!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "What were you doing?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
              way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed - 
              and now it won't even start up!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the
              product."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of yours. It
              said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press 
              the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did - now the damn 
              thing's crashed."
     
  HELPLINE:  "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the
              car sir?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual
              said and it didn't work!"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "How do you do THAT?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14. The
              pedal next to the accelerator."
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual
              you know."
     
  HELPLINE:  "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes fast
              and won't crash anymore!"
     
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  HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
              has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power 
              brakes, and power door locks."
     
  HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "How do I work it?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "Do I know how to what?"
     
  HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
     
  CUSTOMER:  "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"